Instinct Parenting: you parent your way and I'll parent mine

    I am an attachment parent.  I wish there was a better term to describe it, somehow that term seems to have a negative connotation in our society.  You're always being warned "don't get to attached" even when it comes to parents and children: "she's to attached to her dad..." as if that's somehow a bad thing, for a two year old to lovingly cling to her daddy.

    We're told as parents that we need to start teaching our children to be independent as early as eight weeks old, thanks to teachings of "experts" such as Dr. Ferber and Mr. Ezzo.  I once stumbled across a question on yahoo that asked "Is 8 weeks to early to let my baby cry it out?  How long should I let him cry? I don't want to let him grow up to be a brat." Somehow western culture has come to believe that unless forced to be independent as babies, we'll all grow up into bratty, dependent "adults" which just isn't true.  This mother went on to describe that she hated to listen to her baby cry, didn't want to listen to her baby cry, and yet she "knew" it was for the better.  Our culture had taught her that it was necessary to ignore her instinct to sooth her crying baby in order to teach independence.  Babies are SUPPOSED to be dependent, it's their natural instinct to cry when they realize they're all alone.  I could go on with lots and lots of statistics, examples of other cultures, and so forth, but I wont.  That's not the point of these ponderings.

    My point is, I realize I'm different, and I'm proud of that.  I co-sleep, cloth diaper, forgo vaccinations,  birth at home, babywear, natural-term breastfeed (and in public too!) and so much more that is not a part of the mainstream.  I don't believe that I would be a better parent to your child, but I do believe I'm the best parent for mine.  I have nothing against parents who make different choices than my own, my frustration is when parents ignore their own instincts and blindly make choices based solely on the words of their Pediatrician, mother, or what "everyone else is doing." Sometimes parents feel they don't have many instinctual impressions, and I think this comes from a lack of knowledge.  How can your instincts guide you in a decision when you don't even realize there are other options that require an actual choice to be made?

     I heavily research EVERYTHING.  That's what I do. In college I was an English major and a history minor.  I learned how to research and it's an obsession that's stayed with me.  It is this obsession that has helped form the mother that I am.  And yet, I too, have fallen prey to "parental blindness" on several occasions.  **This next example I give as a personal experience, so please don't feel I'm pointing fingers at anyone calling them bad parents for making a different choice than I have made** If my daughter had been born a boy, I can almost guarantee she would have been circumcised as a two week old.  I can also guarantee that had that happened, I would have very soon after regretted it and shed many tears over my decision.  A decision that I've now come to realize is a decision I have no right to make for any child.  I blindly believed all the myths that I'd only ever heard via word of mouth.  My brothers were circumcised, my husband is circumcised, my dad, grandpas, pretty much everyone I knew was circumcised.  Therefore, it must be for a good, unavoidable reason, right?  I had no idea that leaving a boy intact was even a viable option.  I had no idea that there was a decision to be made.  Circumcision was simply something every boy had to go through whether they were 1 day old, 10, or 50; they could not escape it.  Then one day a graphic popped up in my Facebook news feed concerning circumcision.  I don't remember what it said, but I do remember instantly agreeing with it, despite the fact that it expressed a notion that I'd never even heard of.  I suddenly had no desire to ever cut any future sons I might have.  My brain fought the notion, and yet somehow I clung to it just the same.  My motherly instinct had spoken.

    From there, I set out to see what the research had to say.  I trusted my instinctual decision, but I always liked to know whether or not facts were on my side. They were.  I've come to see that when you're trusting you're instincts, facts, statistics, etc, usually are backing you up, even if you don't yet know it yourself.  However, there are always exceptions to every rule.  Perhaps your son is one of the rare <1% that legitimately needed to be circumcised and your instincts, prompting of the holy spirit, whatever you want to call it, told you that for your case, circumcision was necessary.  Breastfeeding is heavily supported by the facts and is an absolutely wonderful way to feed your child and I hope every mom very seriously considers it; however, that still does not mean it's the best option for every mother and baby.  No matter what the studies, the media, your parents, your in-laws, your doctor,  or your neighbors say: trust in yourself above everything else when it comes to your own child.

I trust in my instincts and my God to mother my child. They have made me in to one crunchy, highly attached parent and I stand firmly in my choices.  In turn, I trust you to make the best decisions for your own family too. 



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