Public Nurser and PROUD!

Tali and I have been spending a lot of time lately with my crunchy mama friends and their little ones.  It’s just so nice to be around like minded people that you don’t have to explain your parenting/birth choices to because to them it’s normal.

 So before I tell my story I should tell you a little bit about my friends.  Most, if not all of them had out of hospital births, they all breastfeed, many of them cloth diaper, co-sleep and all of them subscribe to baby wearing and attachment parenting and one of them is a leader in the Intactivist chapter here in Utah.  So you can imagine my surprise when we were at the pool yesterday enjoying the water, talking and casually feeding our babies when suddenly a voice from behind says “could you not feed your babies all out in the open.” That poor, brave, naïve lifeguard.  I was trying SO hard to hold back hysterical laughter.  I didn’t even bother to open my mouth to say anything to the teenager because I knew the second he opened his mouth he was about to get an earful from the rest of the women around me.  “You do realize we have a legal right to feed our babies?” Shannah asked.  “Well yeah, but some of the kids are getting offended,” he replied.  ‘Well that’s ok, I don’t think I’m going to stop since I don’t have to,” replied Kat.  There was a bit more but I forget who said what when.  That lifeguard ran away faster than Snape confronted with Shampoo ! (If you’ll allow me to borrow the words of the Weasley twins.)  I was rather annoyed that at that very moment Tali decided she was done eating, didn’t want that lifeguard, or my friends for that matter, to think I was actually doing as he asked! 

We’d all heard of things like this happening to breastfeeding mothers, especially after all the news coverage with what happened to one woman at Seven Peaks, but none of us had ever personally been asked to stop feeding our babies.  We all thought it was great fun!  Of course we went and talked to the manager, all secretly hoping that it would be some crazy, exciting confrontation that would make for a great story.  Sadly (happily?) the manager’s wife was also breastfeeding their baby and so he agreed with us whole heartedly that we had a right to feed our babies at the pool without throwing a cover over our lo’s heads in 90 degree weather.  And we left with the promise he would be informing his lifeguards of this so that we wouldn’t be bothered again.  Guess we wouldn’t get to take our story to the news after all…

We did find it quite ironic that at a pool where women are walking around with pretty much everything but the nipple (and even that you can  see through some swimsuits) showing people were offended by breastfeeding mothers.  Thanks to Tali’s hat, less of my boob was visible when she was nursing then when my suit was pulled up, and it was the same for the other mom’s as well.  But wheather that was the case or not, why is it we can show off our boobies when we’re trying to be sexually revealing, but not when we’re trying to feed a hungry babe?  This I have never understood.

When Tali was first born, I used an utter cover when other boys/men were around besides Brenan.  But I quickly learned that Tali wasn’t having any of that.  She HATED eating under the utter cover or any sort of cover for that matter.  For a little while I resorted to finding some private area where I wouldn’t “offend” anyone.  I was doing that even in my own house!  Tali would get so upset because of the time it took me to find a private area and FINALLY let her eat.  Then one day as I was struggling to get my crying Italia, who was clearly hungry, to eat under the cover because there was no place for me to nurse privately I decided enough was enough!  Why was I making mine and Tali’s life unnecessarily more difficult?  Because we live in a very unfriendly society towards breastfeeding, that’s why.  I couldn’t think of any real reason why I should have to force Tali under a cover, or feed my baby in a bathroom.  Didn’t Tali have the right to all the comforts any other person would get when eating? I’m pretty sure the last time our country tried to discriminate against someone eating where they wanted it didn’t go over to well (sit ins, marches, riots, etc).  Babies are people too aren’t they?

“Oh, but that’s not what’s wrong with breastfeeding,” you might say.  Of course *sigh.* People don’t have a problem with babies eating, after all, when did someone get upset over seeing a baby sipping from a bottle?  It’s the breast the baby is sucking on.  I myself have never felt comfortable in a bikini and I try very hard to remain discrete while nursing without a cover.  I’ve always been very private about my body and still am.  But when a baby wants to eat, THEY WANT TO EAT!!!  They have no sense of time, so the moment they realize they’re hungry they feel as though they’ve been starving forever.  Why would I force my baby to cry when I could eliminate her discomfort immediately? (I might add here that contrary to popular belief, crying is NOT good for babies so don’t even try to hit me with the argument that a little crying doesn’t hurt).  Is someone else’s mild discomfort more important than my baby’s needs? 

I’ve heard countless people say “there’s already so many temptations for boys/men these days, do you really want to add to it by nursing in front of them?”  To them I want to say “Are. You. SERIOUS?!”  Feeding my baby is a temptation for your husband, son, brother, etc?  If that’s the case they have far more issues then my breastfeeding in public.  How is a baby suckling at his mother's breast a temptation in any way?  I feel like the innocence of the baby at the breast greatly diminishes any sexual image these people are afraid of.  In fact, I feel that the image of a nursing mother is a very HEALTHY image in a world where the women’s body is overly sexualized around every corner.   It’s a reminder of the miracle of the female body.  We’re able to grow a baby with our body, and then we feed that baby WITH our BODY!!! It’s so very cool on so many levels.  It’s because the world fails to respect the miracle of the women’s body, and the wonderful gift that it is, that women now have to fear for all the “temptations” that plague the males in their lives. I plan to make the image of a nursing mother a very normal thing in the lives of my future sons so that when they grow up, they won’t even think twice when they see someone else doing it.

As for the last argument I’ve heard, which kind of ties in with all of the above, “It just isn’t’ modest.”  To that i say, there's a time and place for everything.  It's generaly not accepted as modest for women to walk around in their underwear, however, if you're at a beach or swimming pool it is perfectly modest to be in a swimsuit --which is essentially just as revealing as your underwear. It's generaly not acceptable to bare yourself to a man that is not your partner, but if he's your gynecologist and your getting a pap-smear, then go for it!  I feel it's the exact same for nursing.  It's generaly not "modest" to bare your breasts to the world, but if you have a hungry baby that you're feeding the way nature/God designed, then that's more than ok!  Breastfeeding mothers should not be shamed to hide under a tent, nurse in a stinky bathroom stall, or breastfeed anywhere other than where they are at the exact moment their nursling wants to eat.

 So yes Mr. Lifeguard, I WILL nurse my baby out in the open thank-you very much!

 Such an offensive photo!